The Espresso Machine
by Alonea Metallium
Summary: GUESS WHAT!!!? Its another guest episode of Gourrigans Island!? Let the mystery of the evil Guest writer begin as she takes the Island by storm(FINISHED)(its short and hilarious. PLEASE READ IT!!!! R
1. Where'd it go?

Alonea here!! Whats up everyone? *sees no one cares* okkk.... Well I don't own anything except for Alonea (Of course I own myself!) Dathon and everyone else are other guest writers I happen to occasionally put in my fanfics to fill up space or something....  
THE ESPRESSO MACHINE  
  
Chapter 1  
Xellos wakes up and disappears from the hut. He reappears in front of his espresso machine that conveniently is unbeknownst to the other castaways.  
  
Xellos starts his machine and waits for it to finish. Meanwhile, Alonea walks up behind Xellos to be the worst nightmare of his life.  
  
Alonea: Hey Xellos can I have some?  
  
Xellos: *slowly turns around* Who are you and how did you get here?  
  
Alonea: Queen decided to take a vacation. I am you writer for the week.  
  
Xellos: *groans* Not another guest writer. Exactly how much torture is going to be involved?  
  
Alonea: Sore wa himitsu desu  
  
Xellos: THAT'S MY LINE!!!!  
  
Alonea: Just because you haven't had your morning caffeine doesn't mean you have to be such a grouch.  
  
Xellos: Actually yes. It does mean I have to be grouch whether you like it or not.  
  
A laptop appears in Alonea' hand and she starts typing. Xellos' espresso machine disappears.  
  
Xellos: What did you do with my espresso machine?  
  
Alonea: Nothing. See ya later *disappears*  
  
In the girls hut a certain smell of a certain espresso machine wakes up Filia.  
  
Filia: Hmm? What's this?  
  
She reads the note attached.  
  
Filia: The note says here is a stolen present. Hope you like it. Alonea  
  
Filia: Who in the hell is Alonea?  
  
Lina wakes up and stands by Filia.  
  
Lina: Oh my gods. Is that an espresso machine?  
  
Filia: Yep.  
  
Lina: Who's it from?  
  
Filia: Somebody named Alonea. She says it's stolen.  
  
Lina: Screw that. Girls wake up we got coffee!!!!!!!  
  
Amelia: *yawns* Lina did you just say we got coffee?  
  
Lina: Yep.  
  
Naga: OHHOHOOOOO!!!! What lucky person sent us this?  
  
Filia: Somebody named Alonea.  
  
A certain guest writer appears...  
  
Alonea: Hey girls do you like the present?  
  
Ding! Espresso machine stops signifying the completion of the coffee.  
  
The Girls: Thanks.  
  
Alonea: Your Welcome. Drink up.  
  
Lina: There wouldn't happen to be anything in it would there?  
  
Alonea: Don't worry its safe. If you don't believe me I will take first drink.  
  
Lina: I'll take you up on that first drink.  
  
Suddenly 5 mugs appear. Alonea passes them out.  
  
Amelia: So whom did you take it from?  
  
Alonea: *takes a drink* Mmm. This is good. It's safe.  
  
Everybody gets some and enjoys.  
  
Alonea: Well I was seeing what Xellos was doing and the stupid fruitcake had this.  
  
Amelia: How rude. He thinks he can have his own machine. While he wakes up to a good morning we have to suffer.  
  
Filia: THAT MAZOKU GARBAGE. HE IS D-E-A-D  
  
Lina: We will beat him properly after we have the best morning of our lives.  
  
Naga: OHOOOOHOOO! He won't be able to resist the White Serpent he shall grovel before my exquisite beauty.  
  
Lina: Naga. Get a clue.  
  
Naga: OHOHOOO! You're just jealous.  
  
Lina: I AM NOT JEALOUS!  
  
Filia: Will you shut up. I want my coffee.  
  
Lina shakes off her rage to enjoy the rest of the morning (Its a miracle)  
  
While the girls drink it up the guys wake up to find Xellos not there.  
  
Zelgadis: Wonder what he's up to now. Hopefully he stays gone for the rest of the day.  
  
Gourry: Um. Zel. Where's Xellos?  
  
Zelgadis: Who cares.  
  
Gourry: Um. I care.  
  
*Pummel pummel* Let's see what the Trickster priest is doing.  
  
Xellos is still standing where he was in complete shock.  
  
Xellos:.............  
  
*CRASH*  
  
Um maybe we should go back to the girls hut.  
  
Naga: I have a great idea. (That's a first) How bout we spend the day in the Hot Springs?  
  
Amelia: Sounds good to me.  
  
Filia: I'm in.  
  
Lina: Naga. When did you get a brain?  
  
Naga: OHOOOOHOOOHHOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Lina: FIREBALL!!!!!!!!  
  
Naga: OHOOOOHOOOHHOOOOOHOOHHHOOHHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Lina: Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond blood that flows  
  
Filia: LINA!!!!  
  
Lina: *powers down* WHAT!!!!! Can't you see that I am trying to blow Naga into oblivion.  
  
Filia brings out mace and smashes her skull.  
  
Amelia: Lets go the springs.  
  
Naga & Filia: You bet.  
  
The girls mosey on down to the springs and drag Lina with them hoping she doesn't Dragon Slave anybody when she wakes up. Back to the guys hut.  
  
Gourry: Jeez Zel. Just because I'm stupid doesn't mean you have to......  
  
*pummel pummel* *CRASH*  
  
Lets se how Xellos is faring.  
  
Xellos: Why me. Get an Espresso Machine and somebody steals it. The Queen is gonna kill me. She just gave that to me yesterday. *Mope......Mope......Mope*  
  
Alonea gets a mischievous smirk on her face and decides to have a little fun....  
  
BOOOOOM!!!! Xellos is now in a room completely filled with Espresso Machines. (as in COMPLETELY FILLED)  
  
Alonea: *giggles* Xellos you look like you need a little help in there.  
  
Xellos: No duh.  
  
Alonea: *thinking to her self* What wrong with the fruitcake? All he has to do is teleport out. *To Xellos* Lets see should I help you or should I let you rot in your prison. Choice #2 is funnier so I'll go with that one.  
  
Xellos: I really don't like you.  
  
Alonea: Thanks. I gotta go. Zel is having a little to much fun beating Gourry.  
  
*Disappears with a soft pop*  
  
Zel is still pummeling away when suddenly a girl in jeans and a tank top appears. She pulls out a laptop out of nowhere and starts typing. Now for some reason Gourry is mercilessly beating Zelgadis to a bloody pulp.  
  
Gourry: Take that you stupid statue. This is for all the times when you and Lina and Everybody else has beat me for being stupid. It's not like I can help it.  
  
Zelgadis: HELLLLLP ME!!!!! HE'S GONE MAD!!!!!!  
  
Gourry suddenly stops and wonders why he is beating Zel.  
  
Gourry: Um Zel why am I beating you?  
  
Zelgadis: Hell if I know.  
  
Gourry: Maybe you did something stupid?  
  
*pummel pummel*  
  
Alonea: WILL YOU GUYS STOP KILLING EACH OTHER!!!!!  
  
Everything stops.  
  
Zelgadis: Who are you?  
  
Alonea: I'm this weeks writer and if somebody would actually get out of there stupid hut they could see Xellos in a room full of Espresso Machines.  
  
Gourry: Huh?  
  
Zelgadis: Did you just say Xellos is in a room full of espresso machines.  
  
Alonea: Uh Huh.  
  
Zel: I gotta see this. Um do they happen to work?  
  
Alonea: Nope.  
  
As Zelgadis goes to see the torture of Xellos, Gourry decides to go back to bed and hope when he wakes up things will be better. Now you're probably not wondering when the other characters will come into view. Better worry cause its coming soon. 


	2. That's my line!

Back again! Alonea says her disclaimer by saying she has no money thus she owns nothing but herself and the other guestwriters own themselves.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
That's my line!  
  
A giant space ship comes roaring by. It turn around, slows, and lands on the castaways beach. The girls are too comfortable to move and don't really care since they can't leave the island anyway. The guys are on their way to laugh at Xellos but decide to take a look anyway.  
  
Zelgadis: What in the hell is that?  
  
Gourry: I don't know.  
  
Alonea: Um. Is that one of Dathon' ships? Or maybe its one of those guest writers party ships the Queen was talking about.  
  
Zelgadis: The Queen has what?!!  
  
Alonea: Well since we do such much work for her and all she decided to give us a party ship. We fly around, party, pass out, then repeat the process.  
  
Zelgadis: You people need a life.  
  
Alonea: I resent that comment.  
  
Gourry: Um people are coming out.  
  
The trio walk down the beach where the ship has landed and try to find out who they are , what's there business, and where's the brew?  
  
Meanwhile we take a look at the guys hut and find out we forgot about Rezo. My bad. Writers aren't perfect. Get over it. Apparently he slept through the whole thing. Time to wake up.  
  
BZZZZZZZZZ!!!!  
  
Rezo wakes up with a start as his alarm clock rings to wake him up. He decided to set an alarm because he is a late riser and instead of waking up at 3:00 PM he would wake up at noon. As usual everybody else has already left. He saw the new espresso machine that Xellos though nobody saw and wondered if he had anything left.( I know he's blind maybe he felt or heard Xellos talking to himself about it or something. Hell if I know)  
  
Rezo finds his way to the hidden room where he kept it and opened the door. BOOOOM!!! Xellos and Rezo find themselves in a huge pile of Espresso Machines.  
  
Xellos: Unh. Who opened the door?  
  
Rezo: I did  
  
Xellos: Thanks for opening it but how did you know it was here in the first place.  
  
Rezo: It's a secret  
  
Xellos: THAT'S MY LINE!!!!  
  
*pummel pummel* *CRASH*  
  
Rezo: Um. Is there any coffee left?  
  
Xellos: No. Somebody decided to run off with it right in front of me. Then that said person decided to fill the room with broken espresso machines while I was in it.  
  
Rezo: Can you fix the machines?  
  
Xellos: I don't know.  
  
Rezo: well you won't know unless you try.  
  
Xellos: Fine. Could you get me an aspirin?  
  
Rezo: I'll try. As you know I am blind. Does it have a Braille label?  
  
Xellos: I think so.  
  
Rezo: So you will try to fix one of the machines if I get you an aspirin?  
  
Xellos: I guess so.  
  
Rezo goes off on his trip to the medicine cabinet.  
  
Rezo: Hey where is the medicine cabinet anyways?  
  
Ok better make that Rezo goes on his adventure to the medicine cabinet. Now lets check on the lovers hut to see..........Um lets just skip them for the episode. So lets see what the girls are doing.  
  
Lina: unh........un....What....happened?  
  
Naga: Filia hit you over the head because you were getting...mmph.mmrph..  
  
Filia: just ignore her. She doesn't know what's she's talking about. Lina why don't you come on in? The waters great.  
  
Lina: *gives Filia a dirty look and gets in the springs*  
  
Amelia: So want to play truth or dare?  
  
Lina: No  
  
Filia: sure  
  
Naga: *snore*  
  
Amelia: NAGA!!!! DO YOU EVER NOT DRINK  
  
Naga: *snore*  
  
Lina: She's a hopeless case. Don't waste your energy on her. It ain't worth it.  
  
Amelia: NOT WORTH IT?!!!!!  
  
Amelia backflips onto a large rock.  
  
Amelia: How could it be not worth it. If you can help somebody in need its always worth it. *balls her fists to her chest* *teary tone* Miss Lina we will help Naga in her alcoholic problem and teach her that there is no justice in giving yourself a slow death. We have to help her get through this. We, doers of Justice, will stop this nasty habit.  
  
Lina: FIREBALL!!!!!!!!  
  
Amelia: *now extremely frustrated*oooooo. Miss Lina. I was on a roll. You have to ruin everything don't you?  
  
Lina: Yep.  
  
Filia: *snore*  
  
Amelia: FILIA!!!!!!!!  
  
Filia: Is it over?  
  
Lina: Yes.  
  
Filia: Thank the gods  
  
Amelia: *Now really really frustrated* .........*pause*.........*sniffle*......WAHHHH!!!!! Why!? Why!!? Why does everybody hate me?  
  
Filia: We don't hate you. We just want to relax a little while. Is that too much to ask?  
  
Amelia: I knew it. You hate me.  
  
Filia: *WHOMP*  
  
Amelia: *x*  
  
Lina: Geez Filia you sure do like hitting people. Well.... At least we don't have to listen to her.  
  
Back to the guest writer, the depressed one, and the big dumb blonde.  
  
Alonea: Hey guys! What are you doing here?  
  
MtrP: Came down to see how well you are doing since this is your first Gourrigan's Island fic.  
  
Alonea: Its going fine thank you very much  
  
Zelgadis: Am I missing something?  
  
Gourry: Do you need any help finding it?  
  
*pummel pummel*  
  
Alonea quickly types in her potable laptop  
  
*pummel pummel* (to Zelgadis)  
  
Zelgadis: HELP ME!!!!!!!!  
  
Alonea: Get em Gourry!  
  
MtrP: *looks at Alonea and gets a smirk on his face* She'll do fine. Come on guys lets party on another island for today. We'll come back tomorrow.  
  
The party guest writers sneak away from the bloody scene of Gourry beating Zelgadis and Alonea cheering him on. Alonea: Damnit! They left. I am so gonna beat him up when I see him.  
  
Finally Gourry gives him one last punch and lets him go.  
  
Zelgadis: I like blue.  
  
Alonea: *giggle*  
  
Gourry: Hey Zel! What happened to you? And I like blue too.  
  
Alonea: *sigh*  
  
CLIFFHANGER!!! (Yeah right....) Well I will have the next chapter like in what...5 mins? Till then! 


	3. Death to Bunnies

Last and final chappie for this episode! AN: Q.O.S owns Funky Fruit. It's like a fruit that gets u instantly drunk or sumthing like that. It's FUNKY!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Slayers or anything else cept following!! I own Alonea!  
  
Now for Rezo's adventure to the medicine cabinet.  
  
Rezo: Let's see.... According to my Braille GPS I am.......AHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Rezo: This cant be right! I can not be 24 miles from the guys hut. Crap. I bet this thing doesn't even work.  
  
Rezo decides to walk in one direction and keep on going until he gets somewhere. What he doesn't know is he was actually 24 feet from the guys hut. Best to let the pros make the Braille GPS's. Wonder what direction he's going? Let's see how our relaxing beauties are.  
  
Lina: Do we have any Funky Fruit?  
  
Filia: Uh....um...  
  
Lina: Well! Do WE!  
  
Filia: I have some but there is no we.  
  
Lina: *evil grin* Filia you what happens to dragons who hoard everything.  
  
Filia: *WHOMP* No I don't know. All to myself.  
  
Filia brings out her Funky Fruit and eats away. She soon gets hazy.  
  
Filia: O.o Biiiigggg Mace. Me like.  
  
She then starts hitting random objects every now then she hits an actual person.  
  
Back to Xellos  
  
Xellos: Lets see. Put this part here and then take out his one and Voila I get coffee.  
  
Xellos tests it out and nothing happens.  
  
Xellos: DAMNITT!! Cant think with this headache. NEED ASPIRIN. Where is he? REZO!!!!!!!!  
  
Goes to Rezo.  
  
Rezo: Hmm...that must be Xellos. Well I cant help it I'm blind so he's just gonna have to wait.  
  
Rezo keeps on wandering till he walks into a certain dragon.  
  
Filia: *WHOMP* *missed*  
  
Rezo: What was that? Filia?  
  
Filia: O.o reeedddd.  
  
Rezo: (oh crap. She's on Funky Fruit again. I could really use some right now.) Hey Filia! Where is the Funky Fruit?  
  
Filia stumble to where it is and forces it in his mouth  
  
Filia: IN YOUR FACE!! Try's to hit him with the mace again but misses.  
  
Rezo: O.o ME LIKE MACE.  
  
Filia: Me too's.  
  
Rezo: Try's to grab her mace  
  
Filia: I don't think so.  
  
Rezo and Filia fight over the mace till she gets the ides that HE is the mace. Then it gets interesting.  
  
Filia: Hello mace boy. Wanna dance?  
  
Rezo: Sure red priest girl.  
  
Filia: *giggle*  
  
Filia and Rezo do a poor attempt in dancing and end up on the floor on top of each other. No need to go into detail in what happens next.  
  
Lets go see Me, Myself and Zelgourry. *giggle*  
  
Zelgadis: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME  
  
Alonea: Because you are mean, self-centered, and keep on beating up Gourry.  
  
Zelgadis: Bitch!  
  
*pummel pummel* Alonea and Gourry beat him to a pulp.  
  
Zelgadis: I like bunnies.  
  
Alonea: EEEP *now in a corner in rolled in a ball rocking back an forth* bunnies......no.....no bunnies....gonna die....they....must...all die...  
  
Alonea them goes on a rampage and starts to kill every single bunny in sight.  
  
Gourry: What's wrong with her? Dunno. Gonna go find Xellos. He should have some brew or Funky Fruit.  
  
Back to Xellos.  
  
Xellos: Why do I have to do everything? Why!!!  
  
Voice: Sore wa himitsu desu!  
  
Xellos: Figures.  
  
Xellos goes to the guys hut and takes his aspirin. He then decides to just go back to bed. Much safer. Much much safer.  
  
Filia and Rezo did not do it (Thank you mommy) (my mom is L-Sama) actually they just rolled around and said mace and red. Then they kissed. (AHHHH!!!!!!!!)  
  
Filia: *Whomp* Ace in mace!! Whee!!!! Me love mace. Red not mace. Red blind. He he.  
  
Alonea: Yess!!!! All bunnies are dead. Dead at last. Hey Zel! You awake?  
  
Zelgadis: *groan* yeah....my head hurts.....*blacks out*  
  
Alonea: Crap! I cant carry him. GOURRY!!!!!!!!  
  
Gourry manages to find Xellos and decides to ask nicely for some brew.  
  
Gourry: Xellos? Xellos. Can I have some beer or Jack Daniel's or something? PLEASE  
  
Xellos: Huh?.. Go away.  
  
Gourry: Why?  
  
Xellos: It's a secret.  
  
Gourry: Oh. So can I have some brew?  
  
Xellos: Will you go away?  
  
Gourry: um....yeah  
  
Xellos: Its behind the medicine cabinet.  
  
Gourry goes to the medicine cabinet and pulls on it. After a lot of tugging on different sides he gets it open and grabs everything. He then takes everything out to the beach sits down and drinks away. Lucky guy!  
  
Filia on the other hand finally passes out beside Rezo. Lets see what the bunny killer is doing.  
  
Alonea: *drag drag* Oh gods. He is sooo heavy. Come on. I'm gonna make it. Come on Alonea. You can do it.  
  
Zelgadis: *groan*  
  
Alonea: Zel!!! Wake up!!!  
  
Zelgadis: I feel like....bunnies  
  
Alonea: *rolls into a ball in the corner* I thought.....I killled....them..all.....Zelgadis......bunny.....he he.....must die.....  
  
Alonea grins and walks up to the barely awake Zelgadis.  
  
Alonea: here bunny bunny. Here bunny bunny. Its time for your supper.  
  
Zelgadis: Wha? What happened?  
  
Alonea: *somehow gets an ax* time to get your supper  
  
Zelgadis: O.O Alonea?!! ALONEA!!!!! HELP!!!!! Somebody!!! ANYBODY!!!!!  
  
Alonea lifts the ax and brings it back, lunges forward.....trips and falls. The ax grazed Zel's foot.  
  
Zelgadis: AHHHH!!!!! She's crazy I tell you!!!!  
  
He quickly gets up and starts to run. He gets to his hut and passes out on his bed. Alonea gets there a few mins. Later and starts to sneak up on him till she see's the sleeping Xellos.  
  
Alonea: Ahhh... Isnt he cute. *puts down ax* Hmm....I am really tired.  
  
Alonea carefully lays down next to him and falls asleep. The next morning everybody woke up.  
  
Xellos:AHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Filia: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Lina: *twitch twitch*  
  
Amelia: What Filia did had no justice in it at all.  
  
Zelgadis: I like bunnies  
  
Gourry: I like Bugs Bunny  
  
Alonea: Me love Xellos.  
  
Naga: OHOHOOOOHOHOHO!!!!!  
  
Rezo: Why me?  
  
THE END 


End file.
